"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
did i walk over a car last night?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
