So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize