he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
