there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
