Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
