i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I love having hate sex.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
