i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize