No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
