Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
