Whod you bang
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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