why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
