6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
