I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize