we're blogging at a bar
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
