20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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