when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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