She announced her abortion via fbk
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
