I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
