I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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