i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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