I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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