Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
