I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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