non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
