i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Randomize
