I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
