Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
