if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
