There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
