I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
