My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
