i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize
