I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
