I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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