Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
