Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Found your dick twin last night
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize