Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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