if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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