I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
