I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
The uberlube is also flammable
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
