Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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