At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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