I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
