I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
