Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
