Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
