I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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