She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize