i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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