god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
