Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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