2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
