Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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