so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
