I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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