I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize