Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'm at about main and main street
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
