i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
