we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
