kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
