we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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