he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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