kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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