Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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