The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
