She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize