ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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