well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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