It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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