what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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