do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize