im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I smell stomach acid.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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