wat bout pragnant strippers??
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
