Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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