I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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