Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize
