I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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