I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize