can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
