he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Randomize
