Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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