Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
