At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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