is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
