He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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