Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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