i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
