Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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