Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
