allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
