So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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