I wannas sexs uuuuu
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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