she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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