Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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