I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Randomize
