Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
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