He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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