I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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