Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
