please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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