She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
