I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize