i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
