I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
do herpes really smell.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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