The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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